Tuesday, November 17, 2009


First a little warning, I am going to stand on my soapbox and voice my own thoughts and opinions based on my own experiences. Please take from what you read what you will. I realize there are many different spots along the transgender/cross-dressing line, as well as there are along the...let's call it..."plain gendered" line. With that said I do not intend to offend anyone, if I do I am sorry, I'm just an opinionated genetic girl.

Before I step up on my box I just want to acknowledge that I have not posted in a very long while. I think I intended to write about the fun things in my life, girlfriend of my cross-dressing boyfriend. I hit a very stressful patch, nothing to do with cross-dressing, just life issues everyone faces. I was torn between writing and venting here or not and only keeping things more upbeat. I tend to hold things in so I opted for not writing. Also, some issues did involve Green Eyes and I did not know how he would take to me venting here. Things are slowly getting better, the stress levels are coming down from their peak. So I am back and hopefully not forgotten.

Step up...

I was really drawn back to post something because of some of the things written in the blogs that I follow. You will see them to the left. I follow them very closely even though I rarely post comments. There are some places where cross-dressers and or transgendered people don't appreciate comments from genetic girls, or just ignore them. There is nothing worse for a GG than to be ignored, lol! However, this said, these girls I follow are not like that. They seem truly open and nice, some I have chatted with via email. Petra, Lynn, Jessica and Leslie all seem like wonderful girls...and great guys.

I hope that did not offend anyone. That is how I see these girls I follow. They are both men and women. Sometimes they are men, sometimes women, often a little bit of both. They appreciate and enjoy both genders. This is also how I see my Green Eyes. He is a guy, all guy at times, frustratingly guy at times. He also likes to dress in women's clothing. Sometimes he thinks, feels and emotes more like a woman. I think of him as a cross-dresser, he is happy with his male gender and occasionally exploring the female gender. Hopefully now you know where I speak from.

Lately I have been reading in the blogsphere about troubles between cross-dressers and their wives. This makes me sad and even sometimes mad. For me it is not a big deal that Green Eyes is a cross-dresser. It is something he does, it is part of him, it makes him happy, it is a private thing that does not involve or hurt others. When he told me I was not upset, it was about five months or so into our relationship. I was happy and honored that he was able to share this very private thing with me. I saw the fun we could have with it together. Don't get me wrong, I am not as perfect as I would like to sound. I am just a GG with a wild imagination and uncontrollable hormones, so sometimes I have moments of jealousy that Green Eyes is more into his reflection than me, that its all about shopping for him not me. But I am a GG, I have these feelings when he is doing some "guy" activity and not paying enough attention to me. (I know you love me honey, I just have to make a point, yeah yeah, I also know I always have to make a point, lol)

All of this rambling boils down to a few points. I wish that the wives of these nice cross-dressers would just let go and have some fun with it. If you really do worry about other people it is not difficult to do things privately. It can be a fun and bonding experience to have a secret that just two people share. Relationships, especially marriages, are hard. If you don't have cross-dressing as an issue (and let me be clear, I don't think it should be an issue) you have a million other ones...who is a slob, who is more helpful, who is more attentive... So if your cross-dresser wants to shave, let him, who cares, it is hair, it grows back. Green Eyes has much nicer legs than mine, nicer skin. It makes him happy. Compromise. Green Eyes has a goatee, I love it. Sometimes he shaves it to put on make-up, I have fun with that too, then it grows back. Everyone is happy.

On the flip side of this point, for you cross-dressers, incase you are in man mode and need it spelled out...wives need a lot of attention. No, more than that...no...more. For Green Eyes and myself, we are not married and we do not have kids together, so when he told me I did not worry about him leaving me or our kids. It took some time and small steps to get to know his thoughts on cross-dressing and to go from seeing him in women's panites to the whole wig and make-up. I do know that he is not going to leave me, he is happy with his gender, or rather both genders. He does not want one over the other. That does help to know, as a girlfriend. So cross-dressers (if this is the case), tell your wife often that you are happy as the male they know, and that cross-dressing is just another side of you. Tell them often, we GGs need a lot of reasuring, no more...more.

Wives...lighten up and have some fun. Get dressed up, your husbands truly appreciate this, they are envious of it. Take advantage of the fact that they truly enjoy going shopping with you, they were just pretending they didn't. Have fun together!

Cross-dressers...slow and steady wins the race as they say. We GGs have very fragile egos, and I know you understand that. Plenty of communication about both people. Lastly, buy your wife pretty things too.

It all comes down to moderation in all things.

Step down.

Spread the word ladies, I would like to hear from some wives and GGs.


Lynn Jones said...

If I may say, that's a great post: it's very balanced and comes at the topic from lots of angles.

I think there will always be friction between partners - not because of the whole TG thing - but because we are all human and none of us are perfect.

Actually, if one person was perfect, that would probably bug the hell out of the other :)

Sonora Sage said...

tell your wife often that you are happy as the male they know

In many cases, it's not the case that they are happy as the male their wives know, and/or the wives will not believe this (having seen all the "slippery slope" cases out there). It's not the actual fact of shaved legs they dislike, it's what it signifies and brings out their worst fears - that their man will cease to be a man.

Your advice to lighten up and have some fun is all well and good, as long as you're prepared to accept whatever the end destination of the journey may be. As long as in the back of your mind is "I'm okay with this, as long as it never goes past this point", it's really hard to truly relax.

I say this as the former spouse of someone who did not crossdress, but who didn't identify as male. As it turned out, I was more accepting and encouraging than they really wanted or needed, and we ended up divorcing for other reasons. But as part of my journey I have listened to, and read hundreds upon hundreds of messages from other trans-spouses, and almost universally their worries are not "I dislike what's happening now", but "I worry about where it's going, and that I won't be able to cope with where it ends up".

The other big issue is, of course, the lack of trust. I do agree with you that lots of communication is key to keeping the relationship on a good footing, but many are so hurt by the secret that's already been kept from them for so long that they can never fully regain that feeling. For them, they find the keeping of secrets more hurtful than the nature of those secrets.

lynnd said...

Sonora Sage,

Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. I understand your point of worrying where things will end up. I was trying to comment on the cross-dresser that is happy with their gender as it is and just wants to cross-dress, as that is where my experience comes from. I believe you are correct that trust or lack of is perhaps the bigger issue. I am lucky, Green Eyes and I spoke about this early on, I did not experience the lack of trust. I chose to see that he was trusting me in sharing something he held private. Life is hard, relationships are hard, sometimes you have to choose to be positive (serious gender identity issues are another subject).

Leslie Ann said...

Thanks for this. It's good to hear from GGs, especially ones that can embrace something a little different. I'm working on that whole "communication" angle. More? I'll try.

Petra Bellejambes said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.