Mad as a Hatter?

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

I had a peek through the looking glass this weekend (I couldn't resist the pun, please forgive me). A couple I know, rather closely, is going through counseling together. What I heard about it was some of the wife's issues; anger, hanging onto anger, thinking life is just hard and unhappy and that is how it should be. After I held up my share of the speculation, and let's face it gossip about it, I had to do a double take in that looking glass. It was me, and I am mad as a hatter. This wife is exactly like me, as I was few years ago when I was married. It was a difficult decision to end my marriage, but in the end the correct one. It was a difficult road to self discovery and change, but worth it.

Lately I have been hanging out with the Hatter again (one of the reasons for so few posts). Hearing someone describe this couple to me just opened up my eyes. I have fallen back into old patterns. I don't like it and I need to choose to change it, to not get so mad, and when I do to let it go. Do to economic forces Green Eyes and I decided he should move in with me for a while. Well, change can be stressful for me. I think it all reminded me a little too much of when I was an unhappy wife. Next thing you know... down the rabbit hole I go. And let's add to that the monthly hormonal tidal surge, that alone could make you mad as a Hatter who has sniffed too much glue, lol.

This past weekend was calm. With no kids around Green Eyes and I had time to connect. That is the other reason for fewer post, kids. I like to write about the fun we have with cross-dressing. We have not had a chance to have some cross-dressing fun because busy and changing schedules have not left any "kid free" nights or weekends. I have to also admit that when I am mad about something I tend to not even let myself have fun with the things I normally would. And Poor Green Eyes, not only have I been close to certifiable he hasn't had time to relax and lounge around dressed as he pleases.

With no kids and no pressing schedule I suggested we go to the movies, a girls' night at the movies. Greens Eyes was not quite up for that, yet. So we decided to stroll through the mall and do some "window" shopping. We looked for some of the finishing accessories that might make Green Eyes' outfit complete enough to feel confident to go out in. After a brief rest we went out to another store where Green Eyes tried on some women's clothes and made the perfect purchase to go with some new shoes. I found nothing, never shop when the hormonal surge is in, lol. Then with such grey weather around we decided to rent some movies, lounge in our nightgowns and enjoy the peace and quiet of the house. Now when will they all be going off to college so we can do this again?

Anyone else get mad as a hatter? What do you choose to do?

Soapbox

First a little warning, I am going to stand on my soapbox and voice my own thoughts and opinions based on my own experiences. Please take from what you read what you will. I realize there are many different spots along the transgender/cross-dressing line, as well as there are along the...let's call it..."plain gendered" line. With that said I do not intend to offend anyone, if I do I am sorry, I'm just an opinionated genetic girl.

Before I step up on my box I just want to acknowledge that I have not posted in a very long while. I think I intended to write about the fun things in my life, girlfriend of my cross-dressing boyfriend. I hit a very stressful patch, nothing to do with cross-dressing, just life issues everyone faces. I was torn between writing and venting here or not and only keeping things more upbeat. I tend to hold things in so I opted for not writing. Also, some issues did involve Green Eyes and I did not know how he would take to me venting here. Things are slowly getting better, the stress levels are coming down from their peak. So I am back and hopefully not forgotten.

Step up...

I was really drawn back to post something because of some of the things written in the blogs that I follow. You will see them to the left. I follow them very closely even though I rarely post comments. There are some places where cross-dressers and or transgendered people don't appreciate comments from genetic girls, or just ignore them. There is nothing worse for a GG than to be ignored, lol! However, this said, these girls I follow are not like that. They seem truly open and nice, some I have chatted with via email. Petra, Lynn, Jessica and Leslie all seem like wonderful girls...and great guys.

I hope that did not offend anyone. That is how I see these girls I follow. They are both men and women. Sometimes they are men, sometimes women, often a little bit of both. They appreciate and enjoy both genders. This is also how I see my Green Eyes. He is a guy, all guy at times, frustratingly guy at times. He also likes to dress in women's clothing. Sometimes he thinks, feels and emotes more like a woman. I think of him as a cross-dresser, he is happy with his male gender and occasionally exploring the female gender. Hopefully now you know where I speak from.

Lately I have been reading in the blogsphere about troubles between cross-dressers and their wives. This makes me sad and even sometimes mad. For me it is not a big deal that Green Eyes is a cross-dresser. It is something he does, it is part of him, it makes him happy, it is a private thing that does not involve or hurt others. When he told me I was not upset, it was about five months or so into our relationship. I was happy and honored that he was able to share this very private thing with me. I saw the fun we could have with it together. Don't get me wrong, I am not as perfect as I would like to sound. I am just a GG with a wild imagination and uncontrollable hormones, so sometimes I have moments of jealousy that Green Eyes is more into his reflection than me, that its all about shopping for him not me. But I am a GG, I have these feelings when he is doing some "guy" activity and not paying enough attention to me. (I know you love me honey, I just have to make a point, yeah yeah, I also know I always have to make a point, lol)

All of this rambling boils down to a few points. I wish that the wives of these nice cross-dressers would just let go and have some fun with it. If you really do worry about other people it is not difficult to do things privately. It can be a fun and bonding experience to have a secret that just two people share. Relationships, especially marriages, are hard. If you don't have cross-dressing as an issue (and let me be clear, I don't think it should be an issue) you have a million other ones...who is a slob, who is more helpful, who is more attentive... So if your cross-dresser wants to shave, let him, who cares, it is hair, it grows back. Green Eyes has much nicer legs than mine, nicer skin. It makes him happy. Compromise. Green Eyes has a goatee, I love it. Sometimes he shaves it to put on make-up, I have fun with that too, then it grows back. Everyone is happy.

On the flip side of this point, for you cross-dressers, incase you are in man mode and need it spelled out...wives need a lot of attention. No, more than that...no...more. For Green Eyes and myself, we are not married and we do not have kids together, so when he told me I did not worry about him leaving me or our kids. It took some time and small steps to get to know his thoughts on cross-dressing and to go from seeing him in women's panites to the whole wig and make-up. I do know that he is not going to leave me, he is happy with his gender, or rather both genders. He does not want one over the other. That does help to know, as a girlfriend. So cross-dressers (if this is the case), tell your wife often that you are happy as the male they know, and that cross-dressing is just another side of you. Tell them often, we GGs need a lot of reasuring, no more...more.

Wives...lighten up and have some fun. Get dressed up, your husbands truly appreciate this, they are envious of it. Take advantage of the fact that they truly enjoy going shopping with you, they were just pretending they didn't. Have fun together!

Cross-dressers...slow and steady wins the race as they say. We GGs have very fragile egos, and I know you understand that. Plenty of communication about both people. Lastly, buy your wife pretty things too.

It all comes down to moderation in all things.

Step down.

Spread the word ladies, I would like to hear from some wives and GGs.

I only have one head

One head and many hats. Sometimes when you have a lot of different hats to wear in life you wind up needing to wear them simultaneously. That just looks silly, hat on top of hat. It can also feel heavy, the weight of several hats at once. That is how I have felt lately. Funny, that heavy feeling is good for writing poetry, but I need to feel more upbeat to write a blog.

The past couple of weeks have been busy. The mom hat was on with the kids all home from various trips and no camp to keep them busy. The sister and daughter hat were on with my brother visiting. The student hat was on while I studied for a final exam. The girlfriend hat felt like it was at the bottom and slipping and no time for date night while studying.

I had a birthday in the mix of all this too. Being the prideful Leo that I am birthdays mean a lot to me, maybe more than to most. This year's birthday was a bit of a roller coaster, up and down. But another day and I am feeling more upbeat. I got an A in my chemistry class! Hunted down some money my ex owed me. The prospect of a date night. A few days at the beach coming up.

So with only one head what is the best thing to do at these times? Take them all off and put your hair in a ponytail!

Chick Flicks

“Why don’t you mind that I like to wear dresses?” This is the question Green Eyes asks me periodically. I have not yet been able to come up with a definitive answer to it. Sure I’d like to pat myself on the back and say it is because I’m an incredibly open minded person. I don’t think that is what he is looking for though. As I dig deeper into my head what comes to mind…chick flicks.

When Green Eyes and I started dating, the first time we decided to eat in and rent a movie, he was in charge of bringing the movie. I told him that other than not liking really sad movies or really gruesome horror movies I was open minded, and that I actually like action movies. Green Eyes brought a chick flick. It was a great choice and we enjoyed it together. I just thought he was being nice. He was nice about everything. We would have long conversations and I could see he was very perceptive and truly listened. He so enjoyed my hair, shoes, clothes and makeup I wore I felt everything from pretty to sexy to appreciated.

In the beginning we often joked about how I behaved like the guy and he behaved like the girl. I preferred the action films, am obsessed about college football, drop my clothes on the bedroom floor, know how to drive manual transmission and snore a tiny bit. But I can cook; write poetry, love high heels and anything pink too. I have always had girl friends but I have always been able to be one of the guys too. I like being a little different. I think I liked that about Green Eyes too. I love that he is a big tall guy that can wrap his arms around me and make me feel safe. He can fix things for me, carry things, and opens the door for me. He also always makes the bed, makes me coffee, and I can see he thinks deeply and feels many emotions.

When Green Eyes finally told me about his cross-dressing, how could I mind? Initially I just smiled about it. I did for a minute think about it from a psychology point of view. I did some reading on-line. I thought about how we both had lost parents of the opposite sex at a young age. It did not seem like something to dwell upon. It is part of him, a fun part. We can shop together, wear cute things together and watch chick flicks. Green Eyes’ appreciation of feminine things reminded me to enjoy them more too.

I say thanks for enjoying the best of both worlds all mixed up together with me. Tonight is another chick flick night!

Maybe it's Mabeline..

Last night, with understandable nervousness, Green Eyes took the plunge and shaved off the goatee so that we could really play with all of the makeup I bought. He had teased me that he would look younger when he finally did it that I would then look like a cougar. Omg, he was right, he did and I do! Those gorgeous eyes remained the same though. I did my best to enhance them with just the right makeup. It is not easy putting makeup on someone that is taller than you, while saying "stay still" and "I won't poke you", but it was a tremendous amount of fun. I am again feeling good that Green Eyes trusted me to do this and share this with him.

When the makeup was complete we added the wig and I think Green Eyes looked great, especially with a smile on. Of course we critiqued the makeup and being this was the first time there are changes we would like to try. The eye makeup was subtle, next time something stronger. I liked the lip color but I think there might be something better, that will depend on the eyes though. Strong eye makeup calls for more subtle lips and vice versa. Green Eyes did great with the mascara for the first time. I think I might like to try fake eyelashes for some extra fun.

All dressed up in a skirt, one that I covet, I took some pictures of Green Eyes. I think we got a few nice shots, even a couple of us girlfriends together. There was talk of accessories and shopping so I think we will be doing this again. All nervousness included I think Green Eyes was happy with the evening, but maybe a little overwhelmed too. I am much better at observation than research, meaning I don't know how to ask questions. I did ask how Greens Eyes felt, a very general question which can be difficult to answer. Hopefully I can find the right questions, and not poke too much while I am observing his quiet reflection.

Develop Yourself

I am a woman, and as such I have an excess of words running around in my head. "Where should I start?" I asked Green Eyes. In his insightful way he answered "I guess you should develop yourself." I thought a while and realized that is exactly what we are doing. We are both 40(ish) and divorced trying to develop ourselves all over again, with work, family, friends and with each other (the fun part).

Green Eyes and I fell in love. I really never expected it, as they say...he swept me off my feet. The secret fun we have together is that he crossdresses. That is the fun part that lead me to want to write a blog. Our lives can get quite busy from day to day, then we don't see each other as much as I would like. Having some free time in front of a computer I started to surf blogs. Since Green Eyes is often on my mind I found some very interesting ones about crossdressing, a couple by girlfriends of crossdressers who are very supportive.

Then, after my last pouty spell about not enough time together when I was finally going to see him I decided I would bring him a present. Something related to crossdressing, because I know that will put a smile on his face and it is something we only share with each other. Every once in a blue moon he mentions makeup but he has not done that in a long time and we have never used makeup together. So that is what I decided to get and searched the store for just the right colors. I have brown eyes, shopping for green eyes is new to me. He was very excited when I gave it to him and it was a relief to see he really liked it. I think I was just as excited, I opened it all up and put it on myself.

After he opened it Green Eyes did have a moment. He said "I don't have anyone to tell." Sharing is exciting. I thought about how I had seen the excitement in the blogs I read. That is the short story of how I came to be here. I am still waiting to get my hands on the makeup and his face, hopefully this week. I'll let you know, if you're reading, and you can see how we develop.