Thursday, July 30, 2009

I love men's clothes

When I was a teen some of my favorite clothes were the ones I, let's call it acquired, from my older brother. I had a pair of his jeans that I just loved. They had a button fly, rode a little lower than girls jeans would and they were a little big so I needed a belt. They felt so comfortable and sexy. I also acquired the softest red tank top. I wore them all the time.

Fast forward to this morning. My kids are visiting the Grandparents so I stayed at Green Eyes place. Usually when I spend the night I bring some clothes with me, however not last night. This morning I did not want to put on my clothes from yesterday, so I borrowed some clothes from Green Eyes, girl clothes. A cute little black cotton spaghetti strap casual dress and pink cotton panties. I have borrowed clothes from him before, from guy t-shirts to dresses to underwear.

Unlike my brother who had no clue where his clothes went, Green Eyes knows exactly who walked off with his clothes, and eventually they have to go home to the owner. What I realized today was that, just like my brother's clothes, the clothes that I borrow from Green Eyes are very comfortable. Another aha! moment, men might have something here, buy and wear only comfortable clothes.

I know this may seem like a no brainer. But as GG we are brainwashed that with fashion there comes sacrifice, namely comfort. We all know that if you look good you feel good too. What cross-dressers know is that you need to feel good to look good and feel good. Would any cross-dressing man out there wear panties that were not really comfortable? (thong underwear is a totally separate subject, lol)

What I know now...borrow clothes from Green Eyes, or at least think about whether he would wear it before I buy it.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Chick Flicks

“Why don’t you mind that I like to wear dresses?” This is the question Green Eyes asks me periodically. I have not yet been able to come up with a definitive answer to it. Sure I’d like to pat myself on the back and say it is because I’m an incredibly open minded person. I don’t think that is what he is looking for though. As I dig deeper into my head what comes to mind…chick flicks.

When Green Eyes and I started dating, the first time we decided to eat in and rent a movie, he was in charge of bringing the movie. I told him that other than not liking really sad movies or really gruesome horror movies I was open minded, and that I actually like action movies. Green Eyes brought a chick flick. It was a great choice and we enjoyed it together. I just thought he was being nice. He was nice about everything. We would have long conversations and I could see he was very perceptive and truly listened. He so enjoyed my hair, shoes, clothes and makeup I wore I felt everything from pretty to sexy to appreciated.

In the beginning we often joked about how I behaved like the guy and he behaved like the girl. I preferred the action films, am obsessed about college football, drop my clothes on the bedroom floor, know how to drive manual transmission and snore a tiny bit. But I can cook; write poetry, love high heels and anything pink too. I have always had girl friends but I have always been able to be one of the guys too. I like being a little different. I think I liked that about Green Eyes too. I love that he is a big tall guy that can wrap his arms around me and make me feel safe. He can fix things for me, carry things, and opens the door for me. He also always makes the bed, makes me coffee, and I can see he thinks deeply and feels many emotions.

When Green Eyes finally told me about his cross-dressing, how could I mind? Initially I just smiled about it. I did for a minute think about it from a psychology point of view. I did some reading on-line. I thought about how we both had lost parents of the opposite sex at a young age. It did not seem like something to dwell upon. It is part of him, a fun part. We can shop together, wear cute things together and watch chick flicks. Green Eyes’ appreciation of feminine things reminded me to enjoy them more too.

I say thanks for enjoying the best of both worlds all mixed up together with me. Tonight is another chick flick night!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Maybe it's Mabeline..

Last night, with understandable nervousness, Green Eyes took the plunge and shaved off the goatee so that we could really play with all of the makeup I bought. He had teased me that he would look younger when he finally did it that I would then look like a cougar. Omg, he was right, he did and I do! Those gorgeous eyes remained the same though. I did my best to enhance them with just the right makeup. It is not easy putting makeup on someone that is taller than you, while saying "stay still" and "I won't poke you", but it was a tremendous amount of fun. I am again feeling good that Green Eyes trusted me to do this and share this with him.

When the makeup was complete we added the wig and I think Green Eyes looked great, especially with a smile on. Of course we critiqued the makeup and being this was the first time there are changes we would like to try. The eye makeup was subtle, next time something stronger. I liked the lip color but I think there might be something better, that will depend on the eyes though. Strong eye makeup calls for more subtle lips and vice versa. Green Eyes did great with the mascara for the first time. I think I might like to try fake eyelashes for some extra fun.

All dressed up in a skirt, one that I covet, I took some pictures of Green Eyes. I think we got a few nice shots, even a couple of us girlfriends together. There was talk of accessories and shopping so I think we will be doing this again. All nervousness included I think Green Eyes was happy with the evening, but maybe a little overwhelmed too. I am much better at observation than research, meaning I don't know how to ask questions. I did ask how Greens Eyes felt, a very general question which can be difficult to answer. Hopefully I can find the right questions, and not poke too much while I am observing his quiet reflection.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Musings by me






Hate yourself,

for every reaction.





Feel yourself

going insane.





Defeat yourself,

by taking the blame.





Help yourself,

find a new style.

This is just that, some musings by me. I like poetry, but have no formal writing education. I sometimes write when I am overwhelmed by emotions. I had not written anything in a very long time, until I found myself going through a divorce a couple of years ago. This was written then. I think poetry and music lyrics are interesting because you can put your own thoughts and life into someone else's words. I rarely share my poetry so be kind, I'm taking a chance here.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Begin at the beginning

It seems like the obvious thing to do, so I will. The beginning, when Green Eyes told me for the first time about his crossdressing. Funny story if you ask me, nerve racking I'm sure if you ask him. One weekend we were just hanging around on the sofa in front of the television, our kids were around but off playing. As I have mentioned we don't always get much time together, and being Green Eyes is an amazing kisser, we were sitting close together, kissing, and I let my hand wander. I was somewhat surprised to feel something very smooth and soft without an opening in the front. Something so much easier to slip under than men's briefs. I did not have much time to explore as we were soon interrupted, so I filed it away for later.

Before I get to later I need to back up. Green Eyes and I had not long before this just professed our love for each other and not long before that had gotten passed a bout of him repeating "when you really get to know me you might not like me". That was driving me crazy, he wouldn't say what he was referring to but was intimating that it was something bad. We finally agreed he would stop saying that until he was actually ready to share. In the meantime I have a fairly fertile imagination so I could not help ponder what this bad thing could be. We both have exes that leave a lot to be desired, so I let my mind wander to the thought that maybe his ex got him so mad he hit her. This was crazy, he is the sweetest person I have met.

Back to the beginning. I start to ponder the smoothness I felt. I have set in my head some negative things about the ex so I think maybe this is some pair of sexy mens underwear purchased by the ex. Being a woman I cannot leave this alone. I must know. Green Eyes and I often email back and forth during the day. I sent an email and asked about the underwear. I got back an email about how he wants to go shoe shopping with me. I am still clueless as to what he means, and say something along the line of "of course you do, you like the way they look on me and want to have me in them." It takes a few more emails for Green Eyes to get through to me that he likes to wear "certain things". Ooooh, light bulb moment. Unfortunately he could not see the big smile on my face. This was actually a great relief to me, that it did not have anything to do with the ex. This to me sounded fun and interesting. More than that though, it felt really good that Green Eyes felt that he could share this very private side of himself with me, and trust me.

That is the story of how this began. The moral of the story is that things are not always as bad as you think.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Date Night or Game Night

I'm sorry, I must start out with an aside to date night. "Ouch!" My ears hurt, or more accurately the holes in my ears. I decided to appreciate my feminine side more (just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I am not multi-sided) by wearing earrings. Since I don't do this very often, it hurts, a lot, and now I have decided I need to wear them all of the time so it does not hurt, but I have to get through the pain and sharing it helps. For any guys that might be reading this, again I'm sorry for the digression. This is an example of how a woman's mind works, it is all over the place, keep up. (omg, or maybe it is just me, poor Green Eyes)

Wednesday night is date night for me and Green Eyes. Everyone knows, don't bother to call me on Wednesday. The one night a week I get to take off my "Mom hat". Life has been too busy lately so this is the first time we were going out for date night in too long. We decided to keep it local and reasonable, but I was still very excited and wanted it to be fun. I got dressed in a nice shirt, with just the right amount of view, took extra time with the makeup and even earrings (see eventually it all comes around, Ouch still). I was ready, but I wanted to add a little more fun.

I got in the car and went to the restaurant we had briefly mentioned, then I sent Green Eyes a text message asking if he was ready. He said yes so I sent another text that said "come find me" and a picture with a hint of where I was. I went in and sat at the bar, ordered a drink and waited. There were only women at the bar, "the game" is to find me and "try" and buy me a drink before someone else does. We have talked about this, but this was the first time we tried it. Next time I will have to pick a different location. It did not really matter, I was so happy when Green Eyes showed up, wearing his green shirt to show off. I had been nervous sitting there alone, but it was exciting too. Two men had sat down at the bar just before he arrived and he said they looked disappointed when he showed up. He knows just what to say to boost a girls ego. We drank, we talked, we ate. It was nice to focus on each other.

I also wanted to meet Green Eyes out and see him coming from a far because I thought he would show up sans goatee. We talked about him shaving so we could use the makeup I bought. He didn't do it though. I'm not totally sure why. I was a little disappointed because I can't wait to do that together, but I do love the goatee, he looks great with it. Then I thought maybe he would do it after dinner when we got home, because I had another present for him, a wig. I tortured him all through dinner telling him about my shopping process for it. We didn't waste too much time and went home to try it on.

Much to my happiness he really liked it. It looked nice. Game night continued with the wig on until we went to sleep. I am still waiting to do the whole makeover, but as Green Eyes has taught me...patience and waiting make the pay off even better. I think games are fun and its important to share some fun together. Wednesdays might need to become Date Night and Game Night.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Develop Yourself

I am a woman, and as such I have an excess of words running around in my head. "Where should I start?" I asked Green Eyes. In his insightful way he answered "I guess you should develop yourself." I thought a while and realized that is exactly what we are doing. We are both 40(ish) and divorced trying to develop ourselves all over again, with work, family, friends and with each other (the fun part).

Green Eyes and I fell in love. I really never expected it, as they say...he swept me off my feet. The secret fun we have together is that he crossdresses. That is the fun part that lead me to want to write a blog. Our lives can get quite busy from day to day, then we don't see each other as much as I would like. Having some free time in front of a computer I started to surf blogs. Since Green Eyes is often on my mind I found some very interesting ones about crossdressing, a couple by girlfriends of crossdressers who are very supportive.

Then, after my last pouty spell about not enough time together when I was finally going to see him I decided I would bring him a present. Something related to crossdressing, because I know that will put a smile on his face and it is something we only share with each other. Every once in a blue moon he mentions makeup but he has not done that in a long time and we have never used makeup together. So that is what I decided to get and searched the store for just the right colors. I have brown eyes, shopping for green eyes is new to me. He was very excited when I gave it to him and it was a relief to see he really liked it. I think I was just as excited, I opened it all up and put it on myself.

After he opened it Green Eyes did have a moment. He said "I don't have anyone to tell." Sharing is exciting. I thought about how I had seen the excitement in the blogs I read. That is the short story of how I came to be here. I am still waiting to get my hands on the makeup and his face, hopefully this week. I'll let you know, if you're reading, and you can see how we develop.